As I’ve talked about in previous posts, I have used some online dating apps with little success. I hear stories of true love found through eHarmony, Tinder, Match, and realize that maybe the problem may be me. That’s okay, I can deal with my dating ineptness. It makes for great stories and amazing sleepless nights.

As a side note, some readers have pointed out that they didn’t know how to look at my other stories. So, at the top of each page is a drop-down menu where you can go to my different categories and then within the categories are different stories. Enjoy!

Now, back to my dating adventures.

One of the dating apps I tried was Match.com. Many people have related stories on how they had great dates and met awesome people. And I have also been warned of people not looking like their profile.  I should know better, but I thought I would give it a try. “A great bio is the key”, I was told. So, after crafting what I considered a friendly, funny, approachable bio, I awaited the flood of amazing men to contact me. And waited… Now I didn’t leave it all up to them. I sent messages to several gentlemen who caught my interest. Now I just had to be patient and see what transpired.

Though I got several random messages, no one caught my interest. But alas, one of the guys I sent a message to responded. I chose to contact him because his interest included several that were similar to mine, and there was a picture of him in scrubs so I thought we might have some similarities in our career. There were a few things that, in hindsight, I should have been concerned about, but I once again plowed ahead with unbridled enthusiasm. Someday I may learn, but that was not the day. In all his other pictures, I couldn’t figure out which one he was. None of them looked like the guy in the scrubs.  Warning, warning!!

Mr. K, I will call him, responded with a witty message, though he avoided answering what he did for a living. We eventually exchanged phone numbers and chatted a few times on the phone. He was a board member of a large philanthropy organization, he enjoyed traveling, and loved dogs – all things that I thought would make him interesting. And he also finally told me he was a physician.

So far seemed safe enough.

We decided on a date for lunch. After I finished work, we agreed to meet at a little Indian restaurant. He gave me the name and I assured him I could google it and find it. Haha…so, here is where I went astray. I plugged in the restaurant and arrived without difficulty. I was seated, and then I waited. I noticed I was getting some annoyed looks from the wait staff, but I simply dismissed my over active imagination. When they didn’t bring me tea, I really began to wonder. And my date still wasn’t there 20 minutes later. I received a text from him asking where I was, so I sent him a picture of the menu. Whelp, turns out there are two locations and I was at the wrong one. In fact, the one I was at stopped serving food 5 minutes ago. Oops, my bad. So, I quickly volunteered to meet him at the location he was at, but being the “gentleman” that he was, he quickly assured me he would drive to a restaurant down the street from where I was.

When I arrived at the new correct location, I scanned the restaurant and didn’t see anyone who looked like the guy in the scrubs photo. So next I scanned for a male sitting alone. There was only one. But surely, he wasn’t my date. This guy looked nothing like his photo. He looked like Kevin from “The Office”.

No really, he looked just like him.  So, I wandered over and ask if he was my date and alas (I am sure you are not surprised), “Kevin” was my date.

I wasn’t going to let a little picture disparity ruin my lunch, so I sat down and decided to give him a fair shake. As we started talking, he kept making inappropriate comments. Every time I tried to steer the conversation to safe territory, he took it back down. Since he mentioned he liked dogs and was looking at a new puppy, I thought that might be safe ground. He told me that it is always hard to tell if he likes a specific puppy because all they do is hump your leg… and then he added, “I wish women did that so I would know they liked me.” Good luck with that Kevin.

Next, I talked about an interesting documentary I saw about space exploration. He said he didn’t really care about exploration but wanted to be the first guy to have sex in space. Okay, then. This was going nowhere I wanted to go. We finished the meal and I thankful departed without much ado.

I never heard from Kevin again. I think he got the message. I mean, I didn’t hump his leg, so that must have been a loud and clear message.  I have to wonder if that actual works for some girls. First of all, he looked nothing like his picture, and secondly, eww. That wasn’t even reasonable conversation for a first date. I wonder how he talks to his patients? I keep eyeing the news to see if he shows up as a headline, but nothing yet. Well, I expect nothing short of the unexpected. It makes life interesting. Have I told you about the dangers of being my neighbor? Well, that is something to look forward to in my next edition of The Crazy Hippie! Happy spring, my friends!