Good Times #1
I have a special gift: really, I’m sure many people are jealous. Comical things always happen to me. At least I think they are funny, and really, that’s all that matters. Well, that, or I have to stay locked away in my house to avoid all the shame. So I proudly wear my wacky badge of honor. Following is just a sampling of some of the fantastic things that have happened to me. Enjoy!!
~I dropped a kitchen knife and reflexively tried to stop it from falling with my body. Stabbed myself in the abdomen. Ended up in Urgent Care.
~Got stuck on stage while competing in a pageant because my heel got stuck in a hole on the stage and I couldn’t get it out.
~I cut my hip while shaving by trying to set the razor down and brushing it too close to me.
~Large oxygen tank (150 lbs.) at work fell on me and pinned me to the ground. A coworker walked in, looked confused and then slowly backed out of the room, saying sorry. Couldn’t get anyone to help.
~Tried to tell German relatives I was happy – told them I was pregnant.
~Tried to give a motivational speech to a small group of people; took a slug of hotel “mouth wash”. Started foaming at the mouth – it was body wash.
~Tried to impress a random guy; walked into large sign, knocking it over.
~Tried to get on a horse to ride bareback by using a plastic pail to stand on. Horse moved, pail fell; I toppled – hard – into the dirt.
~Tried to talk in Spanish to some men; apparently I kept talking about my va-jay-jay
~Tried to impress a guy again; fell and twisted my ankle and couldn’t walk.
~Thought I would welcome a new surgeon but instead pointed out his wet crotch to everyone. Awkward!
~Woke up from a “nap” to realize it was 6 AM and I had slept through my alarm. Rushed to work and am slightly irritated everyone is also late. It was 6 PM.
~While eating a gummy butterfly, tried to walk and talk at the same time. Butterfly flew from my mouth and then almost simultaneously with my very next step I stomped on it and got it stuck on my shoe. Resulting laughing convinced people I was drunk in the middle of the day.
~Had two drinks with a friend. Proceeded to vomit violently all over the bar and almost got arrested for public intoxication.
~Slept through 28 phone calls to come to work. Police had to come wake me up.
~Tried to look cute for a guy…again – wind blew hair in my mouth, which then stuck to the gum in my mouth, which then resulted in a big rat’s nest in my hair.
~I asked a transgender patient (M2F) when their last period was, as my co-worker looked on in horror.
~Had a (another) procedure on my butt and ice pack was applied and taped. Proceeded to grocery store where bloody ice pack fell out my pant leg in front of a nice variety of people. Good times!
