It’s not unusual for me to get myself into awkward situations. I mean, I don’t even have to try and embarrass myself for it to happen. But I try to avoid dragging my friends into it when ever possible. As long as I’m not on Ambien, I can generally manage.

Now, this post is a bit, eh hem, personal. So if you don’t want to know that much about me, I recommend you close this window and click away now. How can it be more personal than vomiting and diarrhea? Oh it can, believe me!

As my site name suggests, I am a bit of a hippie. Save the Earth and Go Natural is part of my life. I am always looking for ways to be more natural and healthy in my approach to life. I make my own deodorant. I grow some of my food. You get the picture. One of the things that has concerned me is the use of tampons. Though toxic shock syndrome is rare, it is real. Sometimes I am stuck in surgery for a very long time and don’t have the opportunity to change them out frequently. But that is not all. Most of the mainstream tampons contain dioxin and chlorine which I don’t want sitting in my hoo-ha.  And the natural cotton ones doesn’t work as well for long days of surgery.

Well, lo and behold, a friend told me about the Diva cup . It is a menstrual cup that fits in the vejayjay and gathers the blood and then you dump it out and reuse it. It may sound bad but most people I talked to loved them and raved about how great they are. I had my doubts – a silicone cup sitting in my vejayjay all day and then I had to clean it – eww. BUT it is a healthy all natural solution to the tampon conundrum. It couldn’t hurt to try.

I read through the product information and determined that there are two sizes. Size one is for women under 30 who have never given birth vaginally or by C-section. And size two is for everyone else. Being over 30, I went with size 2. After I got home, I decided it was best to try it when I wasn’t having my period – perhaps my first attempts would be messy otherwise. To be honest, I thought it looked a little big and would not be comfortable. But I was game to give it a try for Mother Earth.

Well, I boiled it first. Cooled it and then was ready for my attempt. I have used a diaphragm before so the process of putting it in didn’t seem daunting at all. So with a little finagling and “proper” stances on my part, I was able to get my friendly Diva cup properly seated in my vejayjay. It was surprisingly comfortable though I noticed a little fullness. I walked around a little and it seemed to “seat” it better and then I didn’t notice anything.

Well, so far so good.

I decided to take it out and was pumped to use it during my next period.

This is where things started to go awry. I squatted to take the cup out and could not get a grip on it. It has a little tab that you use to find it but then you are supposed to grab the end of the cup and pull out. Did I mention that it forms suction against the vaginal walls so it doesn’t leak? So I keep trying.

After about 20 minutes, I am getting slightly panicky. I simply cannot get a hold of it. I am contorting my hands and body in all sorts of ways to try and get it out. Nothing. And then, as I am hyperextending my exhausted wrist, one of my acrylic nails pops off. In my vagina. Now I have two foreign bodies in there. One that has formed a permanent seal with the walls of my vejayjay and one that will tear a hole in the walls of the aforementioned vee canal. Now the panic is intensifying. My natural response -I sent a Snap Chat to Lea documenting my horror story.

I can’t go to the ER because I know everyone there and couldn’t bear to be the subject of the weekly “You’ll never believe what I had to do” meeting. I could go to my nurse practioner, but again, smiling and looking everyone in the face again might not be an option. In fact, I doubted that anyone at either of those places had ever even heard of a Diva cup. No, I had to figure this out on my own. Besides, its not like it could go anywhere, and it’s not toxic – so there’s a bonus!

After 40 more minutes and attempts with tweezers and other devices, the nail was out, but the cup remained firmly in place. The only thing I had was a nail and severe cramps in my wrist from contorting myself in attempt to dislodge the cup of infamy. What was I thinking? Is this worth it? The website assured me that it wasn’t a big deal. NOT A BIG DEAL?!?!?! It was stuck and not coming out. One of the things the site said was that after the cup began to fill, it would descend a little and be easier to get out. GREAT! I wasn’t having my period and it wasn’t due for two weeks. I wasn’t leaving it in there for that long. Not that I have been having any sex lately, but I wasn’t leaving it in there!! I briefly considered calling one of my friends for assistance. I mean, they wouldn’t be surprised I got myself into another weird situation. But decided I couldn’t put them through that.

In hindsight, I don’t think the panicking was helping. I decided to give my hand a break. And just go about my day for a little while. I starting working out in the garden and managed to cut my finger on a sharp branch. This just wasn’t my day. As I am trying to stop the flow of blood, I decide to, again, document my adventure by sending lea a Snap Chat of my bloody finger. What I didn’t think through was the seeming order of the Snap Chats Lea would get. Apparently, she watched them at the end of the day and when she got to the finger she actually thought I sent her a picture of my bloody finger from sticking it in my vejayjay to get the Diva cup. Nice move Heidi! My poor friend.

When I returned to attempt removal later that day, I was able to remove the cup and finally grab a hold of it to get it out!! I couldn’t believe I FINALLY was able to retrieve it!

You would think all this deterred me from using a Diva cup. But I decided that maybe I needed to try the smaller size. Don’t worry, this time it worked like a charm. I don’t know if it was because I figured out the magic position or because the smaller size fit better. But since then, I have LOVED using it. I can’t recommend it enough. It is comfortable, easy to use (Well, once you get past the initial learning curve), and great for long days in the OR. Just don’t panic and send Snap Chats – I promise it will all work out.