The Flood of Fiona
One of the things you will discover if you have friends in the medical field is that no subject is off limits during meals and other social gatherings. It took a few times of my friends making horrified faces during “routine” conversations for me to learn to ask if a subject is okay. And if you are a SO and accompany them to a gathering with other medical people, BEWARE. The conversation easily flows into the disgusting and morbid.
Another phenomenon that occurs is that you develop a rather sick sense of humor. There is no disrespect ever intended when we joke about medical issues or things that happen. It is a way of dealing with the pressure and stress associated with the care we give. Every day, every single work day, someone can die on my watch. And it has happened. And it is never easy. So forgive me if I have ever said something that sounds cold or indifferent.
The truth is the exact opposite.
On that note, I have developed a fondness for several patients that were under my care for an extended period of time. One of those patients was Fiona. This sweet older gal ended up in the ICU because of a series of unfortunate events. She developed breast cancer and the chemotherapy resulted in osteoporosis, which in turn led to a broken hip. After the repair of her broken hip, she couldn’t be weaned off the ventilator because of her lung disease. Thus she ended up in the ICU stuck on a ventilator for over a month. I had taken care of her so often, I imagined wheeling her bed down the isle someday when I got married so she could be there.
When a patient is in the hospital for so long without the ability to eat, they receive nutrition via a feeding tube. Long-term feedings and immobility led Fiona to have some
issues with bowel movement regulation. One day she would be constipated, one day she would have diarrhea. Since she was unable to care for herself secondary to sedation, the ventilator and her condition, her bowel movements became our responsibility. I did kind of warn you about the nature of discussions, didn’t I? Well, we were very diligent about cleaning up after her.
One day a fellow nurse needed some help cleaning Fiona after a particularly large episode of diarrhea. I didn’t hesitate because I was familiar with her situation. The nurse was on the right side of the bed. I was on the left. I turned this dear lady on her side towards me so she could be cleaned, and lo and behold, I was unprepared for the extent of the incident. A wave, nay I say, a tsunami of brown molten liquid came flowing over the edge of the bed. This beautiful, brown, warm deluge of sludge proceeded to gush over the threshold of the bed and down my body.
Now, just for a moment, imagine the thoughts rushing through my head. Is this really happening? Is that warmth I feel? I have to let go. Wait, is that warmth and wetness in my shoes? I need to go…quickly.
I have to abandon my post – retreat is imminent!
I slowly and quietly announced that I need to step away and would be back, as the other nurse just stared at me in confusion -oblivious to the drencher I had just received. I quickly squished my way to the utility room, stripped off my clothes, and tried not to cry. A fellow coworker, initially confused by my sudden departure, followed me to the room and when I turned around, they just stared at me in horror. There I was, a half naked person, surrounded by poop-covered clothing, trying to desperately remove my remaining socks. We just stared at each other for a few moments. I mean, really, what do you say in a situation like this?
Fortunately for me, I was wearing hospital scrubs and there was a shower available. Unfortunately for me, my shoes, socks, pens, phone, etc. were covered in a lovely new shade of brown encrustation. Yup, the outpouring had filled the pockets on my jacket. Prior to disrobing, the pockets were actually bulging with the bounty. Who knew my pockets could hold that much goo? I now know!
Fortunately there was someone else to help clean Fiona up, while I did my own scouring. But this episode certainly changed my perspective on how I help in those situations. Side reinforcements are a must! And it turned out to be a good reason to get new shoes and a new phone! Bonus! Not that I would recommend this method to anyone else, but you gotta look on the bright side!
