Fortunately, or much to my chagrin, I have so many stories to share underscoring the disaster that is my dating life. Now, I’m at a great point in my life where I enjoy my own company (duh!), and am quite comfortable being alone. But I do appreciate sharing experiences with others, and also adore the non-spiritual aspects of relationship. Wink, wink.

But finding someone to incorporate into my adventures is harder than expected. Having tried many methods and medias, including, friends and family (uh uh), dating websites (fraught with disaster), and my simply approaching men (hasn’t worked yet), I can safely say that no one way is the best. But that doesn’t keep me from trying. Oh no, after all, then what would I have to share with my coworkers on Monday?

It may just be me, but men have lost the art of dating. In fact, men seem to approach the enterprise as a selfish endeavor meant only to make them happy. Seriously, men seem to have no interest in anything that would relate to me having fun. And they lack class. Now, I date men of all ages. Say what you will, but there are pros and cons to all ages of men. And I don’t subscribe to an outdated belief in ageism. But I have noticed trends among age groups.

60’s: “Internet? Internet!! What is the use? I don’t want to learn that. What a waste of my time.”

50’s…”Please date me. Please, I’ll do anything…anything, except believe you are an equal. Or stop being racist. Or take care of my health.”

40’s: “I’m better than you. All women are awful, so I plan to treat you awful. Because I can. Did I mention I hate all women?”

30’s: “Just because I have a job doesn’t mean I will pay for you. I won’t pay for anything. I don’t know you but you don’t deserve it. But I do. I am a success. Buy me this. Buy me that! Why won’t you buy me everything?! My mom thinks I’m the best!”

20’s: “Hey baby, let’s hook-up. Here’s a picture. Satisfy me! My needs are all that matter. ”

Sentinelese Men: (One of the most isolated tribes on the planet, who survived the 2004 tsunami.) If you approach their island, they will “kill you with poison darts and arrows smeared with blood.” Actions speak louder than words. I’m sure not going to look for a date there!

Now, don’t get your panties in a wad! I know ALL MEN don’t fit in these categories.

But this is my site and I can say whatever I want. Besides, I am pretty much using direct quotes from various encounters.

Let me give you an example. This is almost verbatim. From our FIRST conversation. Guess what age category this gem falls into.

Him: “Hey, do you want to meet me in a park and give me a blow job?”

WHAT?!?!?! Did I just read this message correctly? He can’t be serious.

Me: “Are you kidding?”
Him: “Uh, no. Why not?”

Me: “This would serve no purpose for me and I am not a prostitute. Good day sir.”

Now a sick, perverted part of me wonders how something like this actual goes down. Do women usually jump all over this offer? Am I the first to refuse? What romantic outing am I missing out on? I imagine if I went it would go down something like this…

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Him: (Smiles, and unzips pants)

Me: “The mosquitoes are sure bad this year.”

Him: (Whips out the bad boy)

Me: “If a mosquito bites that, can I go?”

And you wonder why I’m single.