My family is basically my pets, so when I am away from home I am a little neurotic about who is taking care of them. Okay, okay, a LOT neurotic. But my attitude comes from experience. It started off slowly and gradually added steam until I am at the point where there are about two people in the entire universe I trust with my animals.

I’m usually very generous with the person who is watching my house. In addition to being well paid, I have cooked for them, brought them gifts from my trips, added bonuses and such. But none of these things seemed to entice worthy sitters, nor convince the ones I use to behave. One time a told I guy to help himself to any food. He proceeded to eat three filet mignon steaks I had purchased for an upcoming dinner. I guess I did tell him to help himself. Another time, the gal threw a party that resulted in the police being called.

And how about the time I used the teenage daughter of a co-worker. She had just started college and seemed mature and reliable. My rules for house sitting are simple. The first night I am gone, you must check in upon your arrival at my house and let me know that you have begun your watch. And secondly, I need daily updates unless I am in a remote location and have no access to communication. The other things are basic like no parties, water the plants, and respect the house.

So this young lady let me know she arrived without difficulties and throughout the week, keep me posted that the dogs were doing well. So my trip was over and I returned home. It quickly became apparent to me that she was confused about what date I was returning. The house was a mess – dirty plates, clothing and trash in the middle of the floor. She is a college student – this didn’t bother me. That’s what teenagers do.

So I decide to send her a quick text, make a joke about how she obviously didn’t expect me home today, and let her know that she can pick up her things when she has a chance. I then proceeded to my bedroom to unpack my suitcase. And I happen upon, shall I say, the site of the previous evenings activities.

The bed is a mess, underwear is strewn and a used condom is lying on the floor – blech!!

At this point, I realize she must be horrified by my text. The used “apparatus” may be a little disgusting, but I am glad she is practicing safe sex. She later sulks in, cleans up, and quietly leaves without making eye contact with me. I told her it was all good and left it at that.

My most traumatic experience was when I was trying to find someone to watch the dogs during a quick birthday celebration in Vegas. It was a Thursday, Friday, Saturday sort of thing. While I was talking about it at work, one of the part-time prn techs starts talking about his love for animals, especially dogs. I ask him if he was interested and how he would manage since he has a dog. Since I expect the house sitter to stay at the house, I don’t want to throw a strange dog in the mix. He assured me that his roommate could take care of his dog. Great – I cover my compulsive details and figure everything is set.

On the day of departure, I confirm with him and remind him of my compulsive need for a call the first evening. He assures me that it is no problem. So I begin the four-hour drive to Vegas. The time of arrival is approximately the time he is expected to get off of work and arrive at the house. So I start paying close attention to my phone (I am a spaz, I know). I also know that work can run over, that is just the nature of surgery. But after an hour, I begin calling him. No response. So after four hours of no response, I am starting to get worried. I consider the possibility that his cell phone died, so I ask a friend to drive by and check on the pups. She arrives and informs me they have not been fed, and no one has picked up the money I left for the sitter. Now since he is not answering his phone, I assume the worse, and begin the drive back home.

Weary and tired, I arrive back at my house at 3 am. I open the door and – no puppies come to meet me. I start looking around the house and the dogs are gone. Gone – they are not home!

The money is gone and so are my dogs.

Now, I have been calling the sitter once an hour with no response. If the phone had died, I would have assumed it would have had time to charge. Since the dogs are missing and he obviously took my money, I guess he has not been involved in an accident.

At 6 am, he finally answers the phone. I ask him why he hasn’t responded and he says his phone died – fair enough. When I ask him where he is, he tells me he is at my house. My house! Where I have been for the last three hours. I call him out and tell him I drove all the way back home because I hadn’t heard from him. AND WHERE ARE MY DOGS! He barely says anything and finally says he brought them to his house so his dog wouldn’t be alone and just left them in their crate. As you might imagine, I wasn’t the nicest person at that moment. I told him I was on the way to pick up my dogs, and he told me I couldn’t come because he was heading to work. I pronounced that he better figure out who can help me because I was on the way.

Safe to say, I was not happy but at least I knew where they were. I arrived to find him standing there with the dogs in crates. He hands the hostages over and returns half the house sitting money because he did watch them and went through all the effort to bring them to his apartment. It is not worth the fight. I take the dogs and leave.

Of course they were fine, but the point of a house sitter is to watch the house, water the plants, and let the dogs stay in a familiar environment. Now this guy does not work at the surgery center all the time. He helps out when we need extra help. So for the next two weeks at work, I don’t see him. I have informed the other staff about the incident but it doesn’t mean he still can’t work there. These are two different things.

Two weeks later, he is at work and after the cases, he comes into the room and starts demeaning me and yelling at me. He tells me that I forced him to accept the house-sitting offer. He doesn’t like to do that. He had the stress of watching my two little dogs. And he had to miss work because I insisted on picking them up. He wouldn’t let up. He tells me what a bad person I am and that no one really likes me. Truthfully, I was shocked. How could he be mad at me? I know I am compulsive, but I most certainly didn’t force him to house sit. And I am well aware that not everyone likes me. But this certainly wasn’t about me. The other staff slowly creep out of the room. I simply explain that he was free to say no, he was paid to do the work, and I was very clear about my expectations. His missing work had to do with his poor decisions. He left, and I never saw him again.

After this, the regular staff and I reflected on his work performance and how he has always struggled as a surgical tech. When they teach him something, his standard response was “Lesson learned”. When he made a mistake – “Lesson learned”, but he never corrected his behavior. It was his go to answer. “I did that wrong? – Lesson learned”, but he would repeat the mistake the next day. At this point, we all adopted the saying and began using it judiciously. I still use it to this day. Despite the negative experience, I still laugh when I say it because no lesson was ever learned.

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